Dry Desert Land

I've been kinda in a funk lately....feeling dry, parched and in the desert.  I'm struggling with inspiration, I'm struggling with my health and I'm struggling to get my feelings conveyed in the way that makes sense....just struggling.  I thought writing might help me process some of these things, but I'm not even sure what to say beyond that I just don't feel 'right'....whatever that means. 

I do know that I've been struggling socially and that is never a good thing, in my world.  I continue to feel unknown here - people are asking if I'm back for a visit...and I say 'I've been here since August'.  Nearly a YEAR! 

I think I'm kinda lost right now....looking for direction...looking for the place to look next....waiting for the chapter to be turned in to what is next.  and frankly...I see nothing.  No change. No brightness of exciting things to come. No idea at all.

This time last year, my life was in complete chaos.  My great roommates were moving out, I was getting ready to move out - finding movers - finding a place to live with a girl who was so neurotic that she wouldn't sign a credit check form and finally (June 27th-ish) I decided to come home for 'a few months' - which has now turned into permanent.  I feel so lost - it brings thoughts of a marathon runner running their race, minding their business and knowing that a hydration station is coming up...but not being able to find your team....because they aren't there. 

Chronic illness is difficult and strips you of so many things that you can't control - and frankly - those are the worst. 

I'll get through this, one moment at a time....just really struggling

So when you say 24 hours....you really mean 2.4 days?

Alright - rant alert...

There is a company, who shall remain nameless, that I have purchased beads and supplies from in the past.  On every page of their website, there is a beautiful banner at the top of the page which states that they offer "Fast Shipping - Orders Shipped within 24 hours!".  Now, to most people, that would mean, that within 24 hours of ME placing an order YOU will have it picked, packaged and in the mail to me...right?  Well, for the 3rd time, in a row, this company has not followed through on their 'promise'. 

So, the 2nd time it happened, I wrote them an email asking what took so long.  They informed me that since I placed my order during a sale, that it took longer for them to process it - now keep in mind - I also placed an order from another website supplier who DOESN'T make this claim, yet THEIR package arrived before the one I placed with the alleged 24 hour shipper - but is it MY fault that THEY offered a sale and didn't send the supplies within their own promise?  That's a no.  Well, apparently, I offered an olive branch too soon because once again I ordered from this company....and yet again....3.5 days to process my meager order and send it.  I placed said order last Monday 5/24 - it shipped on 5/27 - I have yet to see the order.  *sigh*

And yes -I ordered something else from ebay on Thursday...it arrived today.

Stepping off my rant pedestal.