Monday, June 10, 2013

Dry Desert Land

I've been kinda in a funk lately....feeling dry, parched and in the desert.  I'm struggling with inspiration, I'm struggling with my health and I'm struggling to get my feelings conveyed in the way that makes sense....just struggling.  I thought writing might help me process some of these things, but I'm not even sure what to say beyond that I just don't feel 'right'....whatever that means. 

I do know that I've been struggling socially and that is never a good thing, in my world.  I continue to feel unknown here - people are asking if I'm back for a visit...and I say 'I've been here since August'.  Nearly a YEAR! 

I think I'm kinda lost right now....looking for direction...looking for the place to look next....waiting for the chapter to be turned in to what is next.  and frankly...I see nothing.  No change. No brightness of exciting things to come. No idea at all.

This time last year, my life was in complete chaos.  My great roommates were moving out, I was getting ready to move out - finding movers - finding a place to live with a girl who was so neurotic that she wouldn't sign a credit check form and finally (June 27th-ish) I decided to come home for 'a few months' - which has now turned into permanent.  I feel so lost - it brings thoughts of a marathon runner running their race, minding their business and knowing that a hydration station is coming up...but not being able to find your team....because they aren't there. 

Chronic illness is difficult and strips you of so many things that you can't control - and frankly - those are the worst. 

I'll get through this, one moment at a time....just really struggling


  1. Chronic Illness strips you of so much it doesn't just strip you of everything, it forces you to be someone you dont recognise, or possible even like. I wish I could give you something of brightness, a twinkle of hope, a spark of light. I feel you Linda, and so I pray for you. I truly pray it gets better. God Bless.

  2. Hi Linda, I'm sorry to see you are in a funk..they are no fun. I know too as I was in one for a bit over a year. My feelings are that sometimes we just need to heal in those low painful and quiet times. And it is just time time time.
    There is a light at the end of the tunnel Linda! I believe there is a slow healing in these times, to not create and not do. Then one day you start creeping out of it all again slowly and carefully. I have faith in you and your situation that things will in time improve. Chin up! Really~things never stay the same..
    Kind wishes~Janet

    1. Janet and Danielle - THANK YOU!

      you're right - things DO get better. See my exciting news above =)

      I think more than anything, it's making sure that I'm *trying* to function, which hasn't really been the case. Just a funk. My nutrition is off, which makes things even worse. Thankful for sunshine and brighter days ahead.

      Thank you, Ladies! <3